When She Doesn't Love You Anymore

For some people, "home" doesn't means house.

It can be means family, friends who do a lot of crazy things, lovely pet with cute eyes, and ... It can be means someone you love.

Someone who can calm you down, by one smile.

Someone who can fix your broken world, by one touch.

Someone who can make you feel free, by stay with you, forever.

I've been there. I have my own "home". Whenever, I'm happy, or sad, or maybe, don't feel both, I come to her, and share my story. Whatever it is. Sometimes, she tell her story. And I, become her "home".


A simple word, but has complicated things inside it.

It's not like a conspiracy theory. It just, when you go to your home, to her, sometimes, you make a moment with her. An unforgettable moment. A moment, you and her will always remember.

Sometimes, there is no moment. There is no laugh together, and end up kiss each other with romantic song. Nothing. You and her sit together, in the very same couch. No talk, just sit side by side. But, still, it's a lovely thing to do.

And the last, sometimes, you fight. You fight her because a silly thing, and then, you wanna prove who is right, and who is wrong. That's okay. Even in your home, a little fire can slip quietly into your home. (Note: just don't let the fire burns your home, and destroy everything.)

The problem is....

What if, your beloved one, doesn't wanna be your "home"?

What if, she decided to goes to different path, and leave you alone?

What if, she doesn't love you anymore?

Try to imagine that.

When you go to her, bring some great story to tell, and bright smile in your face. You speak your story loudly. You describe everything, from the big thing until the small thing. In fact, you put your heart in the story.

Then, after the story is finished, you look at her, expect for a reaction, and ... 


There is no reaction.

On the top of that, she doesn't interested at all. 

No look back into your eyes.

No words from her mouth.


She, plain face, doesn't care about you.

You realize something wrong. You realize something happen. So, you try to get in into her "house", to find out what is going on with her. 

You knock her door few times, hoping she will open it, and let you come in to her house. But, knock after knock, she won't open it. She doesn't bother you. She let you stay in the outside, feel the cold, and still, know nothing.

You won't give up. Now, you try to break in the house.

You try from a window, but is locked.

You wanna try to hit it with a rock, but then you think, it's excessive. 

You put back the rock, and try something else. You climb the house, and jump into the chimney like a Santa Claus. 

It works!

You finally meet her, and her truth.

You meet her, someone you love, busy cleaning something. 

"What's the matter?" asked you.

She keep doing what she doing, put things into a trash can.

"Can you look at me, just a second?" said you with a deep voice.

And again, she doesn't care. 

Curious, you walk closer, and take a look what is in the can.

There are lying photos. Memories. Moments.

Scenes about you and her.

She throws away everything about you.

She tries to change everything.

From an unforgettable moment to a forgettable moment.

From a moment, you and her will always remember, to a moment she will always forget.

From laugh together to laugh just herself.

From kiss each other to no kiss at all. 

Because for her, right now, doing nothing is better than doing something with you. 

She is different person now.

Suddenly, inside your heart, appear a black hole. This hole scratch your feeling, and let the wound wide open. The black hole effects your though to a disaster. It continues its force by steal your smile and happiness.

Question marks spread inside your head, spin your brain like a storm. You know, only a little explanation from her that can help you right now.

"Wha-what happened? Talk to me, darling. Did I make a mistake? Did I say something wrong? Did I hurt you? If the answer is yes, I'm sorry. I'M S-O-R-R-Y. Forgive me, and please, give me a chance to fix it. I can fix it. We, can fix it."

"It's not you." said her. "It's me."

"What do you mean?"

"I think, we can't stay together anymore."

Then, the black hole is getting bigger. It swallows your heart. Grab your mind. Drain your energy.

You try to speak, but your teardrop stream in your cheek, vanish the words from your mouth.

"Goodbye. And, good luck." said her.

She leaves you alone. 

You stand still, watching your home gone to another world.

You can't do anything.

You even let the black hole control you. You let its army: loneliness, sadness, depression, attack your heart and rule you soul.

You still won't accept it, but the truth is, you know that she doesn't love you anymore.

And only by time, you finally accept the truth. You realize, life must goes on, with or without her. If you can through it alone, you know, you must walk strongly to your new adventure. Your new journey. To find, a new home to live inside it.

- @aldypradana17
Follow my Blog: aldypradana.com

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