When She Doesn't Love You Anymore



For some people, "home" doesn't means house.

It can be means family, friends who do a lot of crazy things, lovely pet with cute eyes, and ... It can be means someone you love.

Someone who can calm you down, by one smile.

Someone who can fix your broken world, by one touch.

Someone who can make you feel free, by stay with you, forever.

I've been there. I have my own "home". Whenever, I'm happy, or sad, or maybe, don't feel both, I come to her, and share my story. Whatever it is. Sometimes, she tell her story. And I, become her "home".

Home.

A simple word, but has complicated things inside it.

It's not like a conspiracy theory. It just, when you go to your home, to her, sometimes, you make a moment with her. An unforgettable moment. A moment, you and her will always remember.

Sometimes, there is no moment. There is no laugh together, and end up kiss each other with romantic song. Nothing. You and her sit together, in the very same couch. No talk, just sit side by side. But, still, it's a lovely thing to do.

And the last, sometimes, you fight. You fight her because a silly thing, and then, you wanna prove who is right, and who is wrong. That's okay. Even in your home, a little fire can slip quietly into your home. (Note: just don't let the fire burns your home, and destroy everything.)

The problem is....

What if, your beloved one, doesn't wanna be your "home"?

What if, she decided to goes to different path, and leave you alone?

What if, she doesn't love you anymore?

Try to imagine that.

When you go to her, bring some great story to tell, and bright smile in your face. You speak your story loudly. You describe everything, from the big thing until the small thing. In fact, you put your heart in the story.

Then, after the story is finished, you look at her, expect for a reaction, and ... 



Nothing.



There is no reaction.

On the top of that, she doesn't interested at all. 



No look back into your eyes.

No words from her mouth.



Nothing.



She, plain face, doesn't care about you.



You realize something wrong. You realize something happen. So, you try to get in into her "house", to find out what is going on with her. 

You knock her door few times, hoping she will open it, and let you come in to her house. But, knock after knock, she won't open it. She doesn't bother you. She let you stay in the outside, feel the cold, and still, know nothing.

You won't give up. Now, you try to break in the house.

You try from a window, but is locked.

You wanna try to hit it with a rock, but then you think, it's excessive. 

You put back the rock, and try something else. You climb the house, and jump into the chimney like a Santa Claus. 



It works!



You finally meet her, and her truth.

You meet her, someone you love, busy cleaning something. 

"What's the matter?" asked you.

She keep doing what she doing, put things into a trash can.

"Can you look at me, just a second?" said you with a deep voice.

And again, she doesn't care. 

Curious, you walk closer, and take a look what is in the can.


There are lying photos. Memories. Moments.

Scenes about you and her.

She throws away everything about you.

She tries to change everything.

From an unforgettable moment to a forgettable moment.

From a moment, you and her will always remember, to a moment she will always forget.

From laugh together to laugh just herself.

From kiss each other to no kiss at all. 

Because for her, right now, doing nothing is better than doing something with you. 

She is different person now.

Suddenly, inside your heart, appear a black hole. This hole scratch your feeling, and let the wound wide open. The black hole effects your though to a disaster. It continues its force by steal your smile and happiness.

Question marks spread inside your head, spin your brain like a storm. You know, only a little explanation from her that can help you right now.

"Wha-what happened? Talk to me, darling. Did I make a mistake? Did I say something wrong? Did I hurt you? If the answer is yes, I'm sorry. I'M S-O-R-R-Y. Forgive me, and please, give me a chance to fix it. I can fix it. We, can fix it."

"It's not you." said her. "It's me."

"What do you mean?"

"I think, we can't stay together anymore."

Then, the black hole is getting bigger. It swallows your heart. Grab your mind. Drain your energy.

You try to speak, but your teardrop stream in your cheek, vanish the words from your mouth.

"Goodbye. And, good luck." said her.

She leaves you alone. 

You stand still, watching your home gone to another world.

You can't do anything.

You even let the black hole control you. You let its army: loneliness, sadness, depression, attack your heart and rule you soul.

You still won't accept it, but the truth is, you know that she doesn't love you anymore.

And only by time, you finally accept the truth. You realize, life must goes on, with or without her. If you can through it alone, you know, you must walk strongly to your new adventure. Your new journey. To find, a new home to live inside it.


- @aldypradana17
Follow my Blog: aldypradana.com


Ngajarin Adik Naik Motor


Berperan sebagai kakak, mengharuskan untuk berbagi ilmu kepada adiknya. Naik motor, contohnya.

Adik saya, Ardy (1 SMA), belum bisa naik motor. Agak anomali, memang. Zaman sekarang, anak SD sudah muter-muter komplek pakai motor sendiri. Tapi, Adik saya malah belum bisa sama sekali. Keseringan main bekel, sih, di rumah. Hehehe.

Saat saya dan Ardy liburan kemarin di SBY, saya manfaatin waktu buat ngajarin adik saya naik motor. 

Motor ada.

Jalanan di sekitar perumahan luas dan jarang kendaraan.

Sesi #1 "Belajar Motor Bareng Mas Aldy" pun dimulai.




Cahaya matahari belum tampak menghiasi penjuru kota. Ayam-ayam saling berkokok, seakan mengadu suara siapa yang paling keras. Jalanan masih sepi, hanya lampu di pinggir jalan yang menerangi.

Kami sudah bersiap berkendara.

Ardy di depan.

Saya di belakang.

"Nyalain motor beatnya, Dy!" kata saya.

"U-uh, o-oke." 



5 detik berlalu...

Ardy malah nyalain lampu sen.



10 detik berlalu...

Ardy malah bunyiin klakson.



15 detik berlalu...

Ardy malah nurunin standar. 



"Sejak kapan mau nyalain motor harus klakson sama nurunin standar, Dy?" tanya saya, heran.

"I-iya, ya. Bingung soalnya."

Sebagai kakak yang baik dan cerdas, saya lalu menasehatinya dengan iringan lagu motivasi ala Mario Teguh.

"Ehem...." 

"Coba itu standarnya dinaikin dulu."

"Karena ini motor matic, itu rem di tangan kiri kamu tarik sambil starter, Dy."



BRRRRRRRRR!!!!!



Motor akhirnya menyala. Membuktikan bahwa predikat saya sebagai kakak yang baik dan cerdas itu benar adanya.

"Coba digas."

"O-oke"

Motornya gerak. Tapi lambat banget. Nenek-nenek lagi jogging aja lebih cepet daripada ini.

"Coba lebih cepet lagi, Dy."

"Eee... Segini?"

"Belum, lebih kenceng lagi."

"Segini?"

"Lebih kenceng lagi!"

"Woooo!"

Ardy kaget sama gasnya sendiri. Padahal kecepatannya cuma 20 km/jam. 

"Ardy, jangan lebay."

"Umm... Oke..."

"Sekarang, naikin sampe 40 km/jam."

"Hah? Secepet itu?"

"Itu nggak cepet. Coba dulu, deh."

Ardy naikin kecepatan pelan-pelan. 

Sukses.

"Stabil terus di kecepatan ini. Jangan berubah-berubah."

Ardy mengangguk.

"Coba kita muter-muter komplek ya. Abis itu kita pulang ke tempat Bude."

Alhamdulillah, sesudah beberapa putaran. Kami pulang dengan selamat, tanpa melukai diri sendiri dan orang lain.



***

Sesi #2 "Belajar Motor Bareng Mas Aldy"

"Ardy, pake helm. Sekarang kita coba lanjut ke jalan gede."

"Kok langsung ke jalan gede?"

"Kalo latian cuma di sekitar komplek, kamu nggak bakal diem di tempat. Udah saatnya, kamu belajar di jalan yang rame. Biar kamu ngerti ganasnya jalanan di kota besar." kata gue, menceramahi.

Raut muka berubah. Matanya melotot, keringatnya turun pelan menelusuri dahinya. Ardy kayak mau ketemu ajalnya.

"Tenang aja. Nggak usah tegang. Kan, ada Mas Aldy. Nanti Mas bakal ngasih arahan biar kita nggak kenapa-kenapa."

Kami lalu menaiki motor Beat milik Bude. Ardy menyalakan motornya, kali ini tanpa kesalahan. 

Motor Beat kami memasuki jalan besar, karena masih pagi, jalanannya masih sepi. 




"Oke, Ardy. Sekarang kita belajar nyalip."

"Ha? Nyalip?"

"Iya, nyalip. Coba liat truk gede itu. Yang jalannya di tengah jalan. Salip truk itu, Dy.."

"Aduh. Susah banget."

"Coba dulu, Dy." ucap gue, menyemangati. "Jangan nyerah, sebelum nyoba."

"Haduh."

Dengan ragu-ragu, Ardy menggas dengan kecepatan 40 km/jamnya.

"Salip dari kanan, Dy."

"O-oke."

Motor kami sudah berada di sebelah kanan truk itu. Namun, nggak seperti nyalip pada umumnya, Ardy malah menyamakan kecepatan motornya dengan truk itu.

"Kok nggak disalip? Ayo, cepetan tambah kecepatannya."

"Gimana caranya?" tanyanya, bingung.

"Ya, digaslah, Dy."

"Lebih dari 40?" tanyanya lagi.

"Ya, iyalah!"

Gue menambahi, "Udah cepetan, digas!"

"Bentar-bentar."

"Haduh. Bentar kenapa lagi? Itu cuma di... Lho, lho?" Gue melirik ke arah truk di sebelah kiri kami. "Truknya makin lama, makin nyerempet ke arah kanan. Cepetan disalip, Dy!"

"Lebih dari 40?" tanyanya sekali lagi.

"IIYYYAAAAA!!!!"

WUUUUSSSSSSS!!

Ardy ngegas sampai 60 km/jam. 

Mirip kayak adegan di Mission Impossible, kami lolos dari dempetan truk di detik-detik terakhir.

"Alhamdulillah. Slamet." kata gue, ngelus dada.

"Ternyata seru juga, ya." ucap Ardy, polos. "Jadi, kita mau kemana lagi, nih?"

"Pulang."

"Sekarang, kita balik ke rumah Bude. Menyelamatkan nyawa sebelum terjadi kecelakaan."





***

Itu sebagian dari liburan kami di SBY. Selain ngajarin Ardy naik motor, Bude mengajak kami liburan ke Bali. Kalo nggak salah, kami berangkat dari malam Natal, dan sempet mampir ke tempat wisata yang lain.

kawah Ijen, Banyuwangi. Kiri, ada Ardy, dan kanan, ada Mecca

Dan ini saya, sedang memikirkan beratnya beban kehidupan


Saya umur 23 tahun, Ardy umur 15 tahun. Tapi tinggi kami hampir sama. Ardy memang hobinya makan bambu, sih, di rumah





Itu Bude, mbaknya Ibu, bawa kresek isi kacang

Cara pose yang benar

Cara pose yang salah



SWAG mode

Bali Zoo

Mbak Dina lagi ngasih makan kangguru



kata guardnya, burung ini memang suka matok kayak earphone sama gelang. Soalnya, mereka ngiranya itu biji-bijian
Kintamani, Bali




GWK, Bali











Pantai Sanur, Bali








Goa Gajah, Bali

Anak kecil begini aja, udah suka selfie. Jangan-jangan dia udah punya instagram lagi? Ckckck. Anak muda, anak muda




Ardy abis beli kacamata. Bukan karena dia minus, atau silinder. Tapi cuma buat gaya-gayaan doang. 

Sunset! Nggak afdol kalo nggak liat indahnya sunset di Bali

Pantai Dreamland, Bali

















Jadi, di pantai itu, ada yang moto prewedding di situ. Kayaknya bukan orang Indonesia. Antara orang Cina atau Jepang, Pokoknya mirip-mirip kayak di Metro Xin Wen, deh



4 foto ini dan di bawah ini, ditemukan saat perjalanan pulang. Bude lagi nyetir, saya inisiatif ambil kamera Bude buat ngambil fotonya. Bagus banget pemandangannnya! 




Itu dia, pengalaman dan kumpulan foto-foto liburan saya di SBY dan Bali. Semoga aja besok ada liburan ke suatu tempat lagi. Dan pastinya, bakal saya share lagi di sini.



- short description about the writer-

I talk & write about movies and pop culture

munggah